“I’m not saying women shouldn’t work. If you enjoy your job and it’s a fulfilling career, that is a positive choice. But if it’s not . . . it's almost in some ways that we got it all, then found that actually it wasn’t quite what we wanted.”So true family matters most.
She’s joking but she’s really in pain. I have been very lucking in my marriage that I get along with most of my in-laws except one. In the beginning my husband’s youngest aunt and I would just do the head nod and keep it moving. One evening I decided to skip dinner because I knew she was going to be there and I didn’t feel like being tied in knots all evening. Well when my husband (fiancé) at the time came home I could tell something was wrong right away. Knowing my husband he needs a day or two to mull over the problem before he confides in me. A few days later he told me he had to have a talk with his aunt at the dinner because he didn’t like some of the things she was saying or how she was treating me. While he is talking I am doing figurative cartwheels in my head and I fell in love with him all over again. My husband is so close with his family that I know it took an incredible amount of nerve for him to possibly even consider severing ties with a member of his family.
A brief aside: Marriage in itself is rough enough without the interference of in-laws. There will be those days you ask why did I get married, better yet why did I marry this person. Perfect example, my husband did something today that he knows will set me off its really very trivial but dammit it irritates me. I get up to fill the dog’s bowl I come back to the kitchen and he is eating my food, BEFORE I get a chance to taste it. I don’t mind sharing but can I please taste it first. Hell he doesn’t know the meaning of bite or sip he consumes. Damn I am getting mad all over again just typing about it.
Anyway, I firmly believe it is your spouse’s duty to confront some out of order family member. My mom had a really hard time excepting my husband because we starting dating my senior year in college and she just knew I was going to give up everything I was working towards “for some man” her words. I actually skipped going home on breaks to keep from having to listen to her harangue him (when she had never met him, we were only dating at the time and only so-so serious). Finally I called in my granny and asked her to get mom to lay off. Now hell, most of the time my family doesn’t care if I come home or not as long as my husband stops in for a visit. Sickening really. I can honestly say that each of our families care and respect us and our spouses and that makes all the difference in the world.
My BFF was married for six months before she filed for divorce. I firmly believe the divorce could have been prevented had each of them placed their families in check from jump. As it is Mr. Man and I are coming up on five years and besides the occasional Gawd you get on my nerves, I guess I really can’t complain too much. Besides it helps living by my mom’s golden rule “never get involved in family squabbles, never.”
Oh damn. I look at my nieces and nephews as black. I have never said that to them but I definitely view them as black kids. I think that is mainly because they spend most of their time with our side of the family. This clip came out of left field for me. My lovely and wonderful niece asked my mom a week ago what color was she. My mom asked her what color would you like for me to be, my niece said blue. My mother's reply was well then I'm blue.
My mom let us find out about race at school she never brought it up until then. I think this is a mistake and obviously someone is speaking to niece about it. We, meaning the adults in our family might need to have a talk about what discussion to have with the kids and when.
You can find this post located at Dallas's first non-profit news site called Dallas South News later today or tomorrow morning.
Much has been said of the need of father or male role model in a young boy’s life. I often feel as if the need of a father is neglected or rarely seen as a significant for little girls. A mom can do many things for young girl. A mother can teach her daughter the proper way to conduct herself as a lady, she can teach her about Femininity, and coach her through the grand discovery of womanhood (i.e. menstruation). Yet, there is something mistakenly pivotal in the relationship between a father and his daughter.
My mother and father divorced while my brothers and I were reaching that critical stage of realization that something or someone was missing. Fortunately, for us our grandparents stepped in and shouldered the burden of a newly single and divorced mother of three. While my mother grappled with beginning to start a new life on her own with minimal skills and rearing the three of us my grandparents were there.
My fondest memory of my grandfather occurred when I was in the eighth grade I was being inducted into the National Honor Society for the first time. My mother had purchased a god-awful black dress with a million and one flowers on it reminiscent of the floral background to one of my granny’s couches. I wore ruffled socks, and black patent leather shoes, while channeling my inner Sally Jesse Raphael (I had red glasses at the time). I burst out crying I thought I looked horrible. I was already much taller than many of the other girls in school so I felt like an oversized walking flower display with buck teeth. I don’t know if my pawpaw heard me crying but when I went to the living room to show off my ugly dress he said “you sure look pretty tonight, I’m proud of you”. I went from instant ugly duckling to believing I was going to be the prettiest girl inducted into the National Honor Society later that evening.
Growing up without a father was extremely painful in particular for my middle brother who I will never forget cried one night to my granny “why doesn’t my dad want me”. Children internalized and present their hurt differently. For me I was able to channel the missing father into a fierce desire to always outperform anyone else for others it manifest itself in the form of acting out, an all to familiar cry for attention.
I am so proud of my brothers; I can only believe that the role our grandfather played in our early lives had a profound affect on their interaction with their children today. My middle brother is so careful with his daughter; I have never seen someone so protective of another tiny being. My baby brother is treated like the greatest man alive by his kids. He was deployed for a year and despite their young age they remembered him running screaming daddy, daddy, daddy throwing themselves at his legs.
I miss my grandfather. He missed some very important events in my later life like, my college graduation and he missed walking me down the aisle at my wedding. As my little brother escorted me down the aisle I began crying, imagining my grandfather placing my hand in my husbands while kissing my cheek and telling me to be happy. His physical presence was missed but I believe his spirit was there that day like so many days before.
Men you were given the role of protector and provider. Remember your role and the importance God has placed on you, your families are in need of you. I have an unwavering belief that the coming generation will see a turn around in the number of active fathers, my brothers, and so many more men give me hope.
My husband usually likes to spend vacation on a beach somewhere relaxing to the sound of the waves. For my birthday he decided to accompany me on my yearly trip to Colorado for some light hiking and for the annual Bolder Boulder 10k. While the beach offers softly crashing waves it doesn’t compare to the majestic beauty of the Rocky Mountain range in Colorado. For my husband’s first visit the weather could not have been worse. It rained at some point every day and was cloudy the entire time. We did not bother going to Pike’s Peak because it would have been pointless, all that would have been visible would have been clouds. However, the beauty in the gently rolling hillside the quaint housing and the occasional glimpse of snow capped covered mountains has my husband eager for next year’s trip. 
We traveled to Bear Lake (9475 elevation) in hopes of completing a four mile hike. Instead we were met with at least five inches of snow which impeded our trek because we did not have snow shoes. At one point we were actually walking in the lake without realizing we had ventured off the trail.
We got up close and personal with some Elk and later enjoyed Elk and Buffalo burgers in the town of Estes. Some other sights included a visit to red top hotel which, is where Stephen King’s Shining was filmed. Later we headed to Denver for a vendor festival they were having before a torrential downpour forced everyone inside for cover. 
I participated in the Bolder Boulder 10k race this year and had set a goal for myself of 1:25 (to see if I met this goal stay tuned for Jason Johnson’s post to learn my results). The race was incredible 50,000 people show up each year for the race and for the culmination in the elite runner’s race at the end of the day. The men’s elite runner finished in a mere 27 minutes! The Memorial Day celebration at CU was great 6 parachuteers floated in and at the very end of the national anthem three fighter jets flew over just in time to beat the storms. 
Our trip was great. I had a secret agenda in this year’s trip I wanted to introduce my husband to a different way of living in hopes that he will want to start a new life in Colorado. He enjoyed himself immensely but I don’t think it was enough to sway him, YET.
Michelle Obama will give remarks tonight at the DNC and I can not wait to hear her speech. Mrs. Obama has an electrifying personality one people will instantly withdraw away from or gravitate towards. Many of her statements have been taken out of context and used in a way that paints her as unpatriotic or better yet ungrateful. I understood and still understand Michelle’s often ridiculed statement of being proud of her country for the first time in her adult life. As children we are taught in school from a very young age to love our country to repeat the pledge of allegiance to sing songs of patriotisms but it is the gradual progression into adulthood that begins to show many of us in Black America that our America is not the land of open opportunity or America shrouded in brotherhood from sea to shining sea.
America for me is a place were I often feel uncomfortable. Lately, more and more, it is odd my husband and I have noticed increased stares from white individuals as we are out an about in public. They are truly amazed that he opens my door for me, that he holds my hand or tucks my arm through the crook of his as we walk about. We truly believe that these looks are because the rest of America believes the rampant images of Black people portrayed on television. Michelle and Barack Obama are the reason I am proud to be American they represent my life not John and Cindy McCain. I will probably DVR Michelle’s’ speech so that I can replay it at will.
I finally got the chance to view the Black in America series in its entirety this weekend. Overall I would say that my reaction to the series was just tepid. The data presented was not representative of ALL Black America. The series completely left out the majority of success stories (outside of the Rand Family) and focused entirely on the struggling inner city. The media continues to skew the representative culture of Black America and we give them a pass and highly laud a program like CNN’s Black in America.
I want to make it absolutely clear that the program was fine, but they should have renamed the program to something akin to Living in America while Black and Broke. A title, as thus would probably have engendered my tepid reaction to become upgraded to pleased. Black America was not fully represented a few token success stories were thrown in among a generous amount of stories peppered with people in poverty surrounded by economic and education disparities.
The image I walked away from after viewing Black in America was: Damn Black people are doing badly. Then I had to check myself and realize this is far from the truth. There is a segment of Black America that is struggling or hovering right around the poverty line. However, I truly believe for a majority of these individuals positive reinforcement revolving around a different life than what they find themselves mired in will broaden their expectations for themselves. Without adequate representation through visual images this segment of Black America will continue to view the world of middle class Black America as an intangible.
Education and hard work are the consistent mantra that permeates the essence of the American Dream. Education, as we know, is not created equally nor is it extolled equally. Schools in lower socioeconomic areas are rife with underperforming curriculums, in desperate need of updated teaching materials, and innovated ideas to excite beaten down students to achieve a goal they believe unattainable in the first place.
For many students in lower socioeconomic areas the belief that they have a chance to enter college is surreal. Many struggle with the basics because they are never driven to learn or even taught but rather pushed on to the next level. For those not lost in the public school systems they head off to college earn their degree and look forward to their future. A future, according to the America dream, should grant them privileges and entrance into a new world far from what many of them knew.
Instead, what waits according to data is a closing in income among Black households in comparison to their white counterparts but the glaring disparity arises between white men and black men to the tune of approximately 10,000k with the same degree and experience.
Soledad Obrien mentioned that White men who are ex-cons are more likely to receive a job offer in comparison to black men with an education, because the perception is that black men are lazy and don’t know how to dress properly.
There are no more visible chains and shackles but what remains is far more pervasive, unjustified perceptions and insidious stereotypes that are used as excuses to justify and mask underlining racial prejudices be they conscious or subconscious.
So what then happens when you do everything according to the playbook and you still come up short? How do we keep young Black adults encouraged when they realize the Great American Equalizer is meant for everyone but them?
Cross post located atDallas South
Ok so instead of finishing up a paper I was goofing around on youtube (yeah I know big mistake). I came across several postings regarding black women’s claim to independence and how irritating that is for some men to hear. So I wanted to take time and examine how black women came to be known by the adjectives strong and independent. Please keep in mind these are just my own opinions (I am being lackdasicale and don’t feel up to really doing in depth research)
Circumstance 1. During slavery black women were raped repeatedly sometimes in front of their husbands as another means of dehumanizing the male and weakening the relationship between the black male and female.
Black Woman’s Response 1. The black woman in this situation endures the rape and continues with life, trying to placate an enraged husband who feels helpless and bound by his circumstances.
Circumstance 2. Post-civil war black men are now officially on the grind for a living wage. Black men are met with resistance to their new found freedom, hatred, bigotry, and the need to provide for their families like a man should.
Black Woman’s Response 2. Response to hatred provides the black male with the only respect that he is likely to receive.
Response to bigotry: black woman comforts husband and children provides emotional stability.
Circumstance 3.The break up of the Black family by the following:
A) Lynching an untold number of men lost their lives leaving women and children behind.
Black women: are now placed into the role of sole provider and care-giver
B) Crack cocaine (effected men and women equally) tore families up in the 80s. Grandmothers were left to raise grandchildren.
C) Massive incarceration of black men
Black women once again are left as sole providers and caregivers
This post is in no way meant to denigrate black men but an explanation of how black women have achieved and earned the adjectives of strong and independent. Note I will be doing a future post on women who claim they are independent but actually are not. Also a future post will be coming on the reunification of the black family unit.
Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog! Take a second to peak around and check out some of my previous posts. Of course, I would love to find out what you think as well, so make sure to comment. See you around!
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