Because I said so

This is the flip side to Miss Independent if you have not read it then I suggest you start here first.

The Miss Independent role has been embraced by many women but I wonder are women being forced into this role. Video after video after video(this song will be revisited on a later post) by men are saying they want an independent woman. The messages are mixed. Black women and other women of color are often forced into independent roles due to lack of male leadership. Some men are looking for a caretaker and a woman that is finically independent so that they don’t have to come out of their pocket. Materialism is eating away at the fabric of all American lives. A lot of relationships are being reduced to what can you do for me. Not pointing fingers but when you have pervasive messages coming from the male population that they want an Independent Woman can you really blame women for trying to give you what you are loudly asking for in public.


There is a lot of history behind the Independent Woman movement history that I share with a lot of women. Many of our fathers were absent or not the best role models. As much as I love my grandfather he did not always take care of business and that forced my grandmother into grind mode which she passed along. Grinding is what women are used to doing to keep their families together. If men want a soft and cuddly woman then it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. I say money because money is part of what it takes for women to feel secure another part is grind. Does a man have enough grind in him to constantly be on his hustle? It does not take a lot of money (because most of us are self-sufficient) but it takes an attitude I’m willing to do (within the legal realm) whatever it takes to make this work. There are many women that are waiting to switch roles but they have to have that man that inspires trust and stability.

So Kofi you co-signed on the previous post where you at on this one?

• Labels:
• Black love
• black men
• miss independent
• women


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Yeah February finally! I am looking forward to the topics of love and relationships this month. I have said before black love is often hidden from the mainstream while, the ignorant thug loving ideal is rampant across mainstream. Real love is present and I want to talk about what works what does not and why thug love (that just sounds ridiculous) is perceived as the prevalent type of relationships of in the black community (thanks BET). I will also discuss images of black couples/relationships in the media and the message they represent. I really want to focus on how to make relationships better and talk about some of the problems while trying to discuss possible solutions. I will be adding a wall of Fabulous couples and (hopefully I can convince Mr. Man to let me post his pic) along with some random commentary about how they made the cut.

I hope to have a post up by the end of the day but it is Super Bowl Sunday so that may or may not happen. Stay tuned.

• Labels:
• Black love
• relationships
• women


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Barack, is expected to sign the Lily Ledbetter Fair pay bill today. The Associated Press posted a quick Q&A about the act.

Lilly Ledbetter was a supervisor at Goodyear Tire and Rubber’s plant in Gadsden, Alabama, from 1979 until her retirement in 1998. For most of those years, she worked as an area manager, a position largely occupied by men. Initially, Ledbetter’s salary was in line with the salaries of men performing substantially similar work. Over time, however, her pay slipped in comparison to the pay of male area managers with equal or less seniority. By the end of 1997, Ledbetter was the only woman working as an area manager and the pay discrepancy between Ledbetter and her 15 male counterparts was stark: Ledbetter was paid $3,727 per month; the lowest paid male area manager received $4,286 per month, the highest paid, $5,236.

To read more about the story and the bill you can visit the White House Blog here. This is a bill that champions not only equal pay for women but also for minorities.

• Labels:
• minorities
• Mr. President
• off topic
• women


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Colorism within ethnic communities is nothing new. Within the Black community colorism was a way during slavery to separate, divide and confuse a race of people.

The prevalence of colorism within ethnic communities is still rampant. Months ago Yung Berg made the statement that he didn't like "dark butts" and that his women must pass the pool test. Fast forward a few months and there is R&B artist Ne-yo who tells a reporter that "all the prettiest kids are light skin". I sat there is stunned silence with my mouth ajar as I watched the clip, inwardly recoiling at the blatant ignorance and unaware self-loathing that such a statement would prompt someone to say.

When we ask other people to view us for whom we are on the inside should we not be able to ask the same of ourselves? We are no longer physically enslaved yet we find ourselves a slave to an old color caste system.

I believed we had made so much progress outside of the 80's when people the complexion of Debarge and Apollonia were all the rage. Yet, here we are again bombarded with psychological images that continue to define the standard of Black beauty under the shallow veneer of skin complexion.

I often wonder of the educational and social cognizance of artist like Yung Berg and Ne-yo when they make such absurd statements. At the end of the day light skin or dark skin you can still be called a nigger.



Image courtsey of Abagond

• Labels:
• blackness
• foolishness
• race
• women


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Michelle Obama will give remarks tonight at the DNC and I can not wait to hear her speech. Mrs. Obama has an electrifying personality one people will instantly withdraw away from or gravitate towards. Many of her statements have been taken out of context and used in a way that paints her as unpatriotic or better yet ungrateful. I understood and still understand Michelle’s often ridiculed statement of being proud of her country for the first time in her adult life. As children we are taught in school from a very young age to love our country to repeat the pledge of allegiance to sing songs of patriotisms but it is the gradual progression into adulthood that begins to show many of us in Black America that our America is not the land of open opportunity or America shrouded in brotherhood from sea to shining sea.



America for me is a place were I often feel uncomfortable. Lately, more and more, it is odd my husband and I have noticed increased stares from white individuals as we are out an about in public. They are truly amazed that he opens my door for me, that he holds my hand or tucks my arm through the crook of his as we walk about. We truly believe that these looks are because the rest of America believes the rampant images of Black people portrayed on television. Michelle and Barack Obama are the reason I am proud to be American they represent my life not John and Cindy McCain. I will probably DVR Michelle’s’ speech so that I can replay it at will.

• Labels:
• family
• Huxtables
• Obama
• women


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HIV/AIDS is often compared to other chronic illness which, in my opinion could pose a problem for intervention. By definition HIV/AIDS does fall into the Chronic illnesscategory because it to date still remains incurable. However, with the increase in HIV/AIDS AIDS infection rates among Black women maybe a different terminology should be used to convey the seriousness of living with HIV/AIDS and its complications.

HIV/AIDS is unlike any other disease recorded in history. It’s mechanism of infection of seek and destroy, at present has made it difficult to create an effective system of containment. Health educators can teach the importance of self protection but for many they, are still willing to participate in risky behavior. Dr. Berkley believes that because HIV/AIDS is now becoming viewed as a chronic problem treatable with antiretrovirals, and the fact that less than 10 percent of people who are infected know their status makes interventions for prevention and treatment difficult (Koop, Pearson, & Schwarz, 2002).

It is my personal belief that a lack of self appreciation and gender respect helps to proliferate the spread of HIV/AIDS. Women often find themselves placing the needs of others above their own. The mental and emotional stress from this mentality has lead to a neglect of self, which in some ways are allowing HIV/AIDS to invade at high rates.

Two Local Organizations:

SAAVED

AIDs Interfaith Network Faith Based



Information for those looking to fund a HIV/AIDS program

National Prevention Information Network


Cross post located atDallas South

• Labels:
• blackwoman
• education
• Hiv/Aids
• responsibility
• women


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Which comes first my womanhood or my blackness? This is a debate that I have had within myself since my sophomore year in college. A debate that I discuss often among my friends. Can you be a woman of color and differing ethnicity and separate these traits from your womanhood or must one take precedent above the other.


I remember reading the Invisible Man in college and often felt invisible myself and wondered who if anyone has so eloquently written the story of the invisible black woman.

Who do I belong to first? Who am I? Who needs me the most: the black community or women? I have come to the conclusion for me the two are inseparable. I am not one without the other; my womanhood is shaped by my race. I am unable to separate blackwoman into two words.


Are there any other race/ethnicity of women/men that go through this struggle or do I alone battle with reconciling these feelings?



Cross post located atDallas South

• Labels:
• blackness
• blackwoman
• women


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