Bye-Bye Miss Independent
Independence is something that was frequently espoused in my home. My mom wanted to make sure I would be self-sufficient, that I could handle business on my own in other words be independent. I think this message has derailed a lot of relationships even though it is well intentioned. Before my husband and I married we had some really good pre-martial counseling from the folks over at OCBF. They had us fill out a book that had different scenarios in it separately, we came back to class the next week and we exchanged books our answers were completely different. My results in particular presented a need to be in charge and need to feel in control and to drive the results of those scenarios. My husbands were the same the only problem according to our counselor I was out of ORDER. (Ok at this point I’m about ready to chunk the deuce and say we need to find somebody else). The whole independent movement would have broken our marriage apart before we even started AND it ever nearly did during our dating stages.
Men need to feel needed period. They are a lot more vulnerable and sensitive than they or we believe them to be. My husband’s favorite saying is “you have to let a man be a man”. It took me two and half years into our relationship to fully understand what he meant. There are still times when it is difficult for me to let go and let him handle a situation especially when I would do it differently. There have been many times when I have almost bit my tongue in two to keep my opinions or criticisms to myself. However, the times that I completely let go and trust him even when it does not turn out the way we expect, the road to correcting our mistake is a lot easier without a tug-of-war.
Placing your trust in an individual is beyond terrifying. Too often we are willing to trust an individual with our bodies but not with our emotions or place confidence in their ability to take care of us. This is a mistake. If you don’t trust the individual you are with to provide for you and be able to hold it down then you are wasting your time and his.
Miss independent went out the window during our counseling sessions. I wanted to be taken care of but was afraid of admitting that I needed someone, afraid to place complete trust in my soon to be husband. I was faced with the choice of keeping a defense wall and losing a man that I know loves me and I love. After our counseling was over there was a huge change in our relationship. I let go and I gave in. I trust my husband I don’t agree with every decision he makes but I trust that he has OUR best interest at heart. He trusts me enough to talk about every decision prior to making that final decision he listens to my suggestions. So when something does not turn as we expected it was our decision not his or mine, but ours.
There are definite benefits to letting Miss independent go you are no longer alone in making decision, I hate paying bills my husband takes care of most of that, he is open with the accounts I don’t have to worry about him tricking off our money, and he makes sure that I am safe secure and will be taken care of in the event that anything should happen to him.
