Because I said so

Why do we Shack? I lived with my now husband for almost a year before we made our trip down the aisle. One of the main reason we moved in together were financial. We paid cash for our wedding and living in separate apartments, plus bills at two separate places was not going to help pay for our wedding, so we moved in together. A decision that neither of us would be willing to repeat. That time of living together was one of the most trying times in our relationship. We were engaged at the time but we were still two very separate individuals playing married without the spiritual commitment.

USA Today reports that according to the U.S. Census Bureau 6.4 million in 2007, now make up almost 10% of all opposite-sex U.S. unmarried couples. 8.6% of cohabiting couples were both black. The increase in numbers of people living together has not neccessarily correlated to an increased marriages. Why are couples living together for years yet refused to take the final step to marriage.

It would appear that if the 8.6 % of Black couples living together were to commit to marriage then it would significantly decrease the number of unmarried Black women. Women who truly want more from the person they are living with in the form of marriage and all the legal benefits should demand nothing less than marriage. (This does not count the women that prefer living together to marriage).

Another favorite saying of my husband's "A man is only going to do what you allow them to do." If marriage is what you desire demand it if the guy leaves then you dodge a bullet be thankful.


So what keeps shacking couples from marrying?

• Labels:
• Black love
• marriage


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This is the flip side to Miss Independent if you have not read it then I suggest you start here first.

The Miss Independent role has been embraced by many women but I wonder are women being forced into this role. Video after video after video(this song will be revisited on a later post) by men are saying they want an independent woman. The messages are mixed. Black women and other women of color are often forced into independent roles due to lack of male leadership. Some men are looking for a caretaker and a woman that is finically independent so that they don’t have to come out of their pocket. Materialism is eating away at the fabric of all American lives. A lot of relationships are being reduced to what can you do for me. Not pointing fingers but when you have pervasive messages coming from the male population that they want an Independent Woman can you really blame women for trying to give you what you are loudly asking for in public.


There is a lot of history behind the Independent Woman movement history that I share with a lot of women. Many of our fathers were absent or not the best role models. As much as I love my grandfather he did not always take care of business and that forced my grandmother into grind mode which she passed along. Grinding is what women are used to doing to keep their families together. If men want a soft and cuddly woman then it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. I say money because money is part of what it takes for women to feel secure another part is grind. Does a man have enough grind in him to constantly be on his hustle? It does not take a lot of money (because most of us are self-sufficient) but it takes an attitude I’m willing to do (within the legal realm) whatever it takes to make this work. There are many women that are waiting to switch roles but they have to have that man that inspires trust and stability.

So Kofi you co-signed on the previous post where you at on this one?

• Labels:
• Black love
• black men
• miss independent
• women


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Yeah February finally! I am looking forward to the topics of love and relationships this month. I have said before black love is often hidden from the mainstream while, the ignorant thug loving ideal is rampant across mainstream. Real love is present and I want to talk about what works what does not and why thug love (that just sounds ridiculous) is perceived as the prevalent type of relationships of in the black community (thanks BET). I will also discuss images of black couples/relationships in the media and the message they represent. I really want to focus on how to make relationships better and talk about some of the problems while trying to discuss possible solutions. I will be adding a wall of Fabulous couples and (hopefully I can convince Mr. Man to let me post his pic) along with some random commentary about how they made the cut.

I hope to have a post up by the end of the day but it is Super Bowl Sunday so that may or may not happen. Stay tuned.

• Labels:
• Black love
• relationships
• women


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