Rantings and Self-Reflections of a Dissatisfied Soul
Like I said I normally don't blog about work and for good reasons but I am making an exception this time. So it was Wednesday before the fourth (why so long to write this post, because I just got over it and can at least now see the humor in it).
Let me begin by first saying I like 98% of my co-workers I really really really do. Now the other 2 % can in the words of Ice-T eat a ------- (which might help their dispositions some), anyway moving along. Management is cool but hey they are management so they are going to do some stuff you are not going to agree with (but I do try to remind myself that they must have a reason).
So a STAT, comes in I fuggin hate that especially when I am trying to go to lunch, so I am waiting around and nothing is coming out so I go check to see what’s going on. The specimen is super viscous and will take some time to dry before I can do anything significant with it so I decided to go to lunch in the break room and I tell the setup person come holla at me when its dry.
I step into the break room and pour milk on my cereal literally, this is less than five minutes from me talking to the set up person then they come with oh its ready. Bull corn, hell I just saw the sample you don’t go from sloppy dripping wet to dry in 0 to 90 secs, yeah I’m pissed shit I’m eating shredded wheat that shit gets soggy fast (cereal for lunch? I have already bought my two-piece for a trip to Puerto Rico which we booked in Feb. before our little visitors arrived and I will be damned if I miss our vacation, hell I need a break).
So the moral of the story when you are getting pissed off because of some inconsequential mess like your cereal getting soggy it’s past time to roll.
I have been extremely stressed lately I’ve increased my visits to the gym in hopes of working some of all the negative energy off and its not working. I feel a dead weight attached to my neck every morning as I head out to work. I have to reiterate my job is really not that bad overall I have a really sweet deal. I can take however long I want for break and lunch, time requested off is generally given (I have only been denied once in my five years). So, what then is my problem: dissatisfaction that has very little to do with work but with myself and my life choices.
In college I did not follow my dream and it is now haunting everything I do. Growing up poor and desperately not wanting to stay that way I sought a field in college (science) that I knew would pretty much guarantee me a job in some shape form or fashion. I had participated in advanced placement and honors classes since junior high so I knew I had an affinity to learn and regurgitate information within this discipline.
I love history in particular art history but I knew that there were not going to be many good jobs associated with the field and those that were are highly contested and coveted. So I choose the safe economical route and for the past year have continually felt a festering of raw emotion called disappointment in myself. My current job pays extremely we can go on vacation at least once or twice a year, and generally purchase whatever we wish (after saving up for the purchase) but “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the world, and lose his soul” Mark 8:36.
I feel lost I know I am not doing what I want or what I find enjoyment in and it has begun to color my outlook on a variety of subjects.
Lord knows I have never wanted any children of my own matter of fact my husband and I signed a premarital contract that even bars the discussion of having children before I turn 30 (which is approaching with lightening speed). Parents in my opinion place extremely high expectations upon their children without realizing that they are effectively stunting their children’s growth and self-development.
This career was not what I wanted, I am sure if I had decided to follow my own path my families love would have been no different however, I am sure I would have encountered a couple of raised eyebrows and side comments about what a waste.
I spent Independence Day applying for jobs to release me from my self-imposed shackles. I applied for a job at the DMA (Dallas Museum of Art), I doubt I hear from them, but I can say I am taking a step in the direction I want to go.
My Blog List
- ► 2009 (74)
- Should HIV/AIDS be viewed as a Chronic Illness?
- CNN Black in America
- The Great American Equalizer
- Why Lie?
- Which Should Come First?
- Please Welcome Mr. Man
- Black Athletes and the Media
- Is it a pea, bean or legume?
- Satire Be Damned
- Race in America
- Mental Recession
- Men I Probably Should Not Be Attracted To
- Freedom to Fascism
- The Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back
- ▼ July (14)