Because I said so

I've never really thought that those reasons told me much, because they say nothing about the black women who are married. What I have noticed is that many, many more black married women had fathers when they were growing up.

Many, many unmarried black women didn't. Men don't know how to act like men without a strong male role model, and fathers get a huge advantage in that department. It makes perfect sense to me that women who grow up without fathers don't know how a woman is supposed to act in a stable, long term relationship, especially what they do and do not have to put up with to make the relationship work.

You see the same pattern with white women. The ones who grew up with single mothers have a terrible time getting married, and an even harder time staying married when they do.

The most frustrating thing is that I don't have an answer as to how to fix it. It is a vicious cycle -- men don't know how to be husbands because they never saw it growing up, and women don't know how to be wives for the same reason. I really don't think it is something that we can fix with "education". I've seen the church have some success in overcoming that, but it is getting harder and harder to get people into church.

Damn Phelps, you took all the steam from Part III (blame the White girl). Joking aside you provided a pretty strong observation which has merit.


"Because they say nothing about the black women who are married."

The study actually lists this as a limitation and a possible question for further research.

As far as the reasons I think they have some merit based on numbers alone. Black women are the least likely of all races to consider marriage outside of their race. This drastically reduces the options that are available.

A lot of it for couples in general goes to a "me" mentality, we is hard and requires a lot of work, patience, and forgiveness.

Hmm...I was thinking today at work about that...

So that's what it is hun? I don't know why I was expecting something different.

Thanks for the info. This blog makes me smarter girl..

Thanks,

Go.

Very interesting.

There are so many possible answers that it is difficult to even narrow down to one plausible scenario. It seems like all things are possible and, at the same time, often seem subjectively not possible.

Also, I would wonder if this number is affected by geography. For example, it seems like white men and women in the south marry way too early and for no good reason. While it seems that black women tend to be in no rush (from what I've heard - I have actually no experience in this at all and could be making that up completely). "Shotgun Wedding" was not a phrase created by the African American community.

Interesting. I'll have to think more about this and continue to read what you discover. Thanks Kristin.

Black women are the least likely of all races to consider marriage outside of their race. This drastically reduces the options that are available.

That is definitely a factor. (And I thought that you were done at Part II; I was trying to let you finish before I injected anything new, because there's about a million things that factor in.) Just another area where "us vs them" race mentalities hurt the people holding them more than anyone else.

I think we really overestimate the amount of black men married to white women. I think the "fear" that successful black men want/marry white women is causing black women to be unnecassarily discouraged. I want everyone reading this blog to think of how many black men they know who are married to white women...the numbers are very small right? For the most part the majority of successful black men marry black women.

I think we really overestimate the amount of black men married to white women. I think the "fear" that successful black men want/marry white women is causing black women to be unnecassarily discouraged. I want everyone reading this blog to think of how many black men they know who are married to white women...the numbers are very small right? For the most part the majority of successful black men marry black women.

I would like to comment on this...in my family alone including close relatives, brothers and cousins the majority of my black male relatives are married outside of their race. I find that most black men are marrying outside of their race. This includes white and all other races (ie. hispanic, asia , etc). Although I believe many factors contribute to this I think that the fact that black women adore black men says a great deal about what we think of our men. Unfortunately they do not feel the same about us which leaves us feeling rejected on many levels and causes anger and frustration.

Okay if black men marry or date outside of their race based on personal preference, why is it so bad to say that black women want to marry a black man. I think it says a great deal on their commitment to their race and the fact that they think that black men are beautiful and desirable. Unfortunately our black men do not have that same commitment to us and they also may not find us as desirable as a white women.